I can’t sleep.
My mind races knowing that I made a mistake.
I showed you my cards without absolute certainty that you felt the same.

Being in the same room as you is torture.
I continue to hold my breath, until there’s tension in my chest…
This has never gone away and comes back in waves.
I drop my shoulders and take a deep breath once I’ve passed that hearth.
If someone were to see my face afterwards, they’d know;
and my heart proceeds to sink deeper each time with the weight of my broken heart.

How was I to know you didn’t feel the same.
Your behaviour towards me led me to believe otherwise.
Things were never said and words never written.

I took a chance and I shouldn’t have.
It would have been unkind to make it any more real than the fantasy reel I watched daily.
I’m intense; I go from 0-100 and I have no grey area.
I will not apologize for putting myself out there…
But I am sorry that it freaked you out.

My motto: If you don’t ask for what you want, you will never get it.
But am I asking for too much?
I need to know how to move forward because I can’t keep seeing you.
I wear my grief well so not too many people will see it…
But I want you in my life.